23 weeks and 30 lbs heavier…

Well I haven’t written in a while. Mostly bc the last time I wrote I was feeling so sick and the thought of getting back on here reminded me of it so I just didn’t want anything to do with this blog. Silly I know but things got hard after that last post. What happend? Well I got very depressed and started having major panic attacks. I’ve never had anything like that before and just felt awful! Talking about it now still troubles me, so that is all I will say about it for now. Maybe after the baby is born I’ll divulge the juicy details of my temporary insanity.

We had our 20 week sonogram and the baby is very healthy looking, even 1 week and 3 days bigger than she should be. Oh yes! Its a girl!!!! I was so happy, I kind of thought so deep down but wasn’t too sure but I had had a lovely dream about her so I thought maybe so! We are thrilled. The day I found out I went shopping right away. I think she looks more like Badi right now even though she is kind of alienish still. I am so excited to meet her, a little nervous, but mostly excited and really really excited to not be pregnant anymore! Every 4 weeks I have a little celebration.

5am Feedings

I swear I think of the best stuff to post when I get up at 5am to eat. Now its 9:30 and I’ve almost forgotten what I thought was so funny this morning.

So I think my belly grew last night. I woke up and looked in the mirror and it does look bigger! Its very strange. The other day Badi and I were napping and I wasn’t feeling so great emotionally so I was complaining how I just look like a fat man and he says, “Yeah, your butt has gotten a lot bigger too.” Ok note to all men in the whole world, DO NOT tell your pregnant wife that her butt has gotten bigger, ESPECIALLY if she hasn’t complained about it yet. I told him that that was not ok for him to say and he said, “Yes it is, I can tell you that, its ok, I like it!” Oh no this does not make it ok. no nononono.

Well there was no nose bleeds this morning, yea! I woke up at 5 STARVING! Thinking I might get sick I went downstairs to make toast. (I’m so happy to not eat eggs 24/7. Now its just like 20/5) Anyway the cats were up hoping I’d make them some food. Making the cats food is like slitting my wrists with a spoon. My sense of smell is still hightened so its like instant vomit session in the sink. I can’t stand it! So too bad kitties you had to wait for Badi to wake up. BTW Badi didn’t wake up until 8 today bc I convinced to stay home and work on Mondays bc I hate them. Sweet as he is, he agreed. So by 8 the cats were shredding our door and screaming at the top of their lungs. Getting us ready for a hungry baby I guess.

What is it with cats and rubbing their faces on things? Butter is sitting by me and rubbing her face all over my computer. STOP IT BUTTER! I can’t stand you and would love to throw you to some wild pack of dogs. Ok not really but I’d love to drop her off on someone’s farm. Any volunteers?

Church and Strange Dreams

Well today I went to church and made it through the whole 3 hours! I had to eat though throughout, I brought a banana and a bag of Stacy’s Pita Chips… Mom was a little embarassed about me rustling a bag of chips in Relief Society haha. I was out of plastic baggies! I’m starting to get hungry actually just writing this.

Anyway it was so good to see friends and talk to people! I am a people person so it was lovely. The day started kind of wierd though. I awoke from a strange dream. I was at my 16 week appointment, which is next week, and my doctor was checking me and she said, “Hmm, you are only using 65% of your right lung’s capacity. Oh well it should be fine” I was like what? Isn’t that something I should be concerned about? She was like “OH no, its cool, you don’t need it.” I thought to myself, oh I can’t breathe! I’m not breathing!! Then I woke up and really was having a hard time catching my breath. I was sleeping on my stomach which I can still do bc I don’t have much of a bump yet, I’m just wide! and I must have been sleeping on my face or something. I don’t know but then I got up to pee and I noticed blood on my pillow! There was quite a bit and then it looked like I had smeared it with my hand in another spot near my head! I have never had a bloody nose before so this was alarming. I looked in the mirror thinking I might have blood on my face, then I blew my nose thinking it’d be there, but no, nothing. I couldn’t find any sign of a bloody nose. I looked in my mouth like maybe I bit my tongue off or something. Mind you this is like 5am and Badi is sleeping soundly like he always does and I’m having a panic attack trying to find where I’ve been bleeding from!

well I never found where it came from but I assume it was my nose. I read that this and the next months are where you bleed more or something bc of increased blood volume for the baby. So you will get bloody noses and bleeding gums. Great, another weirdness. Yeah, that’s weird! But lets be honest, if the nausea totally goes away I’ll take bleeding from anything!!!!! Well I must go and make myself a pimento cheese sandwich now. yum! The baby is making me…

Moo

Lets talk about Moo shall we? He is worth a million bazillion dollars. Ok let me explain….. Moo has been my baby for the last 6+ years. He is my sweetie-poo, my little Moo Moo. He is super sweet, loves to sit on your lap, loves to cuddle. He is just the sweetest thing.  Moo is kind of large too. When I say large I mean when he stands up on his hind legs and stretches he reaches past my belt. He also weighs a good 20lbs. Unfortunately he was diagnosed with diabetes 2 years ago. This gave me heart palpatations (not really) but it was very upsetting. I now give him a shot twice a day.

Since this diagnosis Moo has had 1 very scary diabetes-related bladder infection that cost us a good 2500$. This is on top of the needles, and insulin and special food. Anyway, Moo has been doing really well and I haven’t worried much about him since being pregnant and everything that’s been going on. In fact Badi has taken over most of the cat duties. We have another cat, Butter. Butter is very annoying, and very snobby. She pees on your stuff when she’s mad at you, like if you change her type of litter or food. She doesn’t like to hang out with you, she is a brat. But Butter is healthy as a horse. There is no going away for her any time soon unless we drop her off at the local Walmart jk. Anyway, its always the cool cat that has the problems and we had a BIZARRE experience with Moo this past weekend. Soooooo crazy.

Saturday Badi and I had a great day and it was evening time so we were sitting, chatting in our room and we heard a howl from one of the cats. Moo and Butter frequently fight and Butter yells at the top of her lungs because she is a drama queen. So we thought it was her. Badi luckily went downstairs  5 minutes later and I heard him yell “Oh My Gosh!!!!!” I asked what and there was no response, I asked again and he said “There’s blood everywhere! Something’s wrong with Moo!” Oh my goodness I was not happy. But maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, I wasn’t too upset! But then I saw him, oh it was not good. Moo was bleeding like a maniac out of an artery or something. It was scary, blood was pooling all around him!!! I told Badi to grab a towel and we whisked him up in it, and rushed to the emergency pet place. I was crying and pretty hysterical by the time we got there. Luckily they took him right away.

So what caused the fantom menace? What made my kitty bleed like his leg had been severed? Well, they didn’t know, but something got him in the right spot, the spot that makes you hemmorage. After a night there and 600$ worth of care he was fine! We took him home and he’s been great! Yes, Moo is worth a million bazillion dollars. Oh, life, it really is interesting. So now I sit here writing this post with my little kitty squished up next to me in this too-small-for-the-both-us-fatties chair with his little paws on my hands while I type this.

And how is the pregnancy this week? Well its been a roller coaster ride, for sure. Today wasn’t too bad though. I got 2 nights of really good sleep thanks to my new bed which I love!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I’m thinking that things will start getting better here soon. I’m seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I know there will still be some bad days, but all in all I’m hopeful which makes life happier. I’m 15 weeks today too. I’m starting to show a bit. It more that I’m really wide now. I went from a 34 bra to a 38 in this little time and I have a boys waste, well make that 50 year old man’s waste because there is a little belly. I’ll be 4 months next week so I’ll take a picture then. I’m not to happy about how I look. Its very weird. I just look fat. I’ve gained 15lbs already. People! Eating is the only thing that quells the nausea sometimes! ok? ok

Yesterday

So yesterday was interesting. I awoke pretty much the same as usual and felt bad all morning and started feeling depressed, so much so that I started to cry and cry and cry and then got mad bc I was so sick and am so tired of being so sick so I had a little fit and then the post nasel drip made me throw up so I had to quit crying. But while I was throwing my little fit I started praying, kind of an out-loud yelling prayer of how I couldn’t take much more of this. So then I calmed down and opened the Bible to Matthew where Jesus is speaking to the disciples and he tells them every hair on your head is counted. I had the deep feeling that I wasn’t alone and that Heavenly Father was very aware of me. I felt immediately better! I said a silent prayer of thanks and was able to have a relitively ok day. I cleaned up the house a bit and cleaned myself up! I felt ok for most of the day! I believe in little miracles and especially in prayer and I deifinitely think the Lord was mindful of me.

13 weeks and 5 days

I can’t wait to be out of this week. I am commited to doing more even though I still feel like barfing. Yesterday was an ok day. I thought I’d get so much done and then as the day goes by I just feel tired and yucky so no, nothing gets done. Well so Badi came home which is always the highlight of my day and I was hungry as usual we went for some takeout. We got Japanese food. I ate about 4 bites and felt sick. The nights are getting worse and the mornings better for some reason so it messes up my sleeping a bit. After I ate I fell right to sleep on the couch for 2 hours! I woke up at 9pm thinking I’d go to bed but wait! I was hungry and when I am hungry I am nauseous so I ate some french toast, my favorite thing.

I went to the library yesterday and checked out all these books on nutrition and pregnancy happiness and blah blah and one of them said for my blood type, I should not consume wheat and dairy products. I thought about this and decided yes, when I eat that stuff I do feel kind of gross. So I went to Whole Foods and bought bread made from Spelt. I’d never had it before so Badi makes this french toast out of it and I eat it all up, go to bed, am feeling really good. Really really good so I start thinking how lucky I am and that I could be a lot sicker and I’m just so happy and yadayadayada. What happens? I start gagging, why? I start feeling bad all of a sudden! So I’ve already turned off the lights and I’m actually under the covers and my barf bowl is on the floor and I just barf! I barf in my hands, trying to keep it from going everywhere. I can’t move bc the barf is going to get on the bed if I move, I can’t scream for Badi bc I’ve got barf smashed up to my face in my hands, I can’t do anything! But I have to so I totally try and collect the barf and hope I make it into the bowl on the floor. Do I? Nope, just the carpet. I get up and go to the bathroom and start washing myself up in the sink when I smell the barf and I do it again in the sink! Then I turn to the toilet and barf all over the toilet. I barfed like 4 times…. I don’t think Spelt agrees with me either? I called for Badi bc I needed help. I was so upset that I barfed so much bc I hadn’t barfed in a few days. **sigh** Badi came up and cleaned up the barf for me while I shed a few tears of exasperation. I swear I’m never doing this again!

Lovely Weather

So today’s weather has been most excellent. Badi and I tried to have fun today. I woke up at 5:30am instead of 3 which I thought was great, Badi made me an egg. I went back to bed until 7:30 am which was great! and I was dreaming about how great I felt. I kept saying, “Wow, I’m all better, I feel so good, I can’t believe it!” Then I awoke with a start bc suddenly the gag fairy came and I knew it was time for another egg, which Badi made again! yes I love him. So after the second egg I was feeling pretty good. I went downstairs where he was watching tv and we thought we’d go out to breakfast! I thought ok but I’m hungry now so I’d better eat something small before we go. So I eat a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats which immediately upon finishing I felt totally sick. I used to LOVE eating cereal, no it makes me so sick! I hate it! So that was sad.

We left for the restaurant and I’m doing lamaze-style breathing to keep the food down. We go in and I must say I hardly remember it bc I think I was looking down the entire time breathing like a maniac waiting for my pancakes. (3-grain pancakes with stewed peaches and and raisons on top.) I gulped them down and started to feel a bit better and told Badi I just wanted to leave! Leave right away! So we walk out and I start gagging. Badi says a little “oh no”. I make it to the car which luckily wasn’t parked right in front of all the waiting-to-get-a-table people. It was nestled behind 2 giant SUV’s something Charleston is most fond of and for the first time I was glad because all of a sudden I barfed in the car but I was able to keep it in my mouth and having no where to spit it, I swallowed it. Yep, that’s what I did, that’s what its come down to. I swallow my own barf. So then Badi is there rubbing my back asking if I’m ok and and this time I can’t keep it in. I barf, projectile-like while I open the car door. So half of it is in the car, the other outside. Yep, it was gross and Badi says, “Oh no!” haha it was pretty funny. We were in his car so there were no napkins or anything. Luckily we had a stack of clothes in the back we were going to give away to Goodwill so one of them became a barf-rag. Ahhh, pregnancy. I hope I feel better soon!

Good TImes

So this morning was the best morning of my new life thus far! I awoke at 3am with major panic attack about the swine flu. Ok lets be honest!!! First of all, why do they have to name it the swine flu?? In the back of my head I keep thinking the baby will turn into a pig or something if it gets it. Then they call it a pandemic! Great, I don’t really know what that word means but they use it in movies where the world is going to explode right so I’m ready for Armageddon. Anyway I wake up thinking I’m going to get it bc SC has 13 people with it. I get so worked up about it I can’t fall back to sleep and then I get hungry, of course. So I get up and go downstairs and eat the nastiest thing. A frozen sausage egg and cheese croissant. It worked though, I felt full so I luckily fell back to sleep. Then Badi awoke to me gagging my brains out at 6:30 so he made me an egg and then I fell back asleep until 7:30 or something! So now I’m up, didn’t get to the food fast enough so I starting gagging like a crazy person and barfed in the sink a bit. Made a bowl of cereal and just ate it! I also decided that since today is so beautiful and I haven’t pooped in 4 days I’m going to force myself to go on a walk! Before I got pregnant I was trying really hard to get in good shape. As you can see from my four weeks pregnant belly shot my abs were looking pretty good. That is all gone! I haven’t been able to even walk until these last couple of days. I’ve at least thought about it again. Exercise is so key! It just makes you feel better (when you aren’t nauseous). You sleep better, you’ll eat better (maybe), you poop better. So today I’m going to attempt a short walk. I’ll let everyone know how it goes.

Ok here is my new complaint, yes I know another one, but seriously what would I write about if I didn’t have issues right now? So my hips hurt when I sleep. This seemed to start the moment I found out I was pregnant. I have been sleeping on my side which is new, I was only ever a tummy sleeper, but I’ve been scared to crush the baby! So I sleep on my side and I have to turn over and over and over every 1-2 hours! What is going on? Any seasoned mothers out there I’d love some advice??!! Its very annoying, especially when I was very nauseous bc I surely didn’t want to move!

Funny story: We have 2 cats, I think I mentioned before how they are the size of china and one of them as IBS. Yes animals can have it. So sometimes his poo is all messed up. Being pregnant I don’t touch the poo or the cats much these days (make that I never touch the poo). So we bought a new 9′10′ rug in the family room bc we rearranged everything and its like a shaggy light beige. Well Moo, the really giant kitty, pooped and then wiped his bootie on our new carpet. Remember its shaggy so it was totally smeared in there. YUM! I’m glad I didn’t see it I would’ve had projectile vomit on top. (Sorry this is grosss!) Anyway Badi was the lucky winner who found it and was sooooooooooooooooooooo mad! If I had found it I would’ve been annoyed but I would’ve cleaned it and been on my merry way. But Badi thinks Moo did it on purpose, like Moo has some secret plan to make Badi deal with his poo and after he does something like that he rubs his little paws together and laughs hysterically. Well so Badi cleans it and tells me about it and I say eww yuck, yea you cleaned it blah blah. So I go downstairs the next day and I notice a particularly white/yellow rather large spot, make that 1 foot wide by 6 inches fat spot, in my new rug?! I, at first, think its the sun hitting it. Then upon inspection I realize Badi used bleach, straight bleach. *sigh* Oh well, what can you do, at least there isn’t anymore poop on it right? When this baby is born I’m sure he/she will add many more layers of yuck yuck so maybe we’ll just bleach out the whole thing!? Men… They do try hard though huh?

The best husband in the world

So today I woke up at my usual 4:30-5am ate a few crackers and then had to wake Badi to make me an egg. The stomach started to get crazy. So my sweet husband, half asleep, went dnstairs and made me an egg which I gagged down. BUt I’m happy to say I fell back asleep until 6:30 at which time I woke up Badi again to see if he’d make me some toast, which he did. I swear I don’t know how I got so lucky!

I am 13 weeks today and very happy about the time going by a little more quickly. Not that I don’t have enough to worry about, but why is it that lately I can’t stop thinking about how I never want to do this again?! I get really nervous and sick to my stomach with the thought of ever having to do this again. But its such a silly thought bc I can’t get pregnant again for at least a year or something so I just need to calm down right? and worry about baby number 1. I don’t think I ever really thought about how when you have one, usually people have another in the next couple of years. I think I just wanted one! I really did, just one to play with and have as my little baby. Is that so bad? I feel really guilty that this kid might be bored bc it’ll be an only child. I’m thinking way too far down the road right? Someone help me here, I feel like a bad mother already. Last night I was all depressed and hungry and tired and weepy and weird. I swear I’m getting a second dose of hormones here at the end of the first trimester!

remembering

So this is twice in one day again. I’m actually enjoying this cathartic writing thing. So I was sitting here in my fuzzy overly-warm robe thinking about when Badi and I took a lovely vacation to San Diego in January. We have done this vacation once a year for the past 3 years because our BFFs live there. So we stay with them (they are a married couple!) and we have a good time. Well this year I think I was feeling particularly bored in Charleston so I had the smart idea to take a 3 week vaca there. Three weeks is a long time to stay at your friends’ house, no matter how close you are. Well thinking this might be hard on them and us I had the smarter idea for us (Badi and me) to tour the coast of California. We would take a week, rent a car, drive up to San Fransisco and back. Badi was a little reluctant but we remembered we had some friends from Massachusetts that lived in Santa Cruz, an hour south of San Fran that we could stay with a few days too. He was Badi’s BFF while there. So we also remembered that an old friend of ours lived right in dntn Hollywood too, so we could stay at his place too! Ah yes, my plan was coming to fruition! All would be great!

Badi and I love San Diego. Its so sunny and we love to go to the temple there and the beaches are fabulous, even in January. We had a great 7 days. Then we rented the Kia something or other, it was like a small station wagon that was really roomie like an suv, but not quite… and we headed up to LA. I had only been there once before and it was at night and I had really painful gas so I was ready to leave as soon as we got there. So this time I was ready to rock, I had my acidophilous, and my tums, and my cool shoes in case I ran into someone famous, bc you must have cool shoes and I was ready to go find out where Robert Pattinson lived, but he’d already gone back to England. We spent most of the time shopping, not buying, just shopping. We went to all the trending stores, Fred Seagals was one of them. This was a store I’ll never forget. It didn’t look like much from the outside, but I heard all the stars were there so I was hoping to catch a glimpse maybe. We go in and I start looking at the beautiful clothes thinking how cool they are so I look at the tags,….. 1,000$ for a pair of shoes. I check to see why and they are Versace or something. Then I realize they are all like that. I know the skinny (I mean skinny!) worker-girl with big boobs and really blond straight hair has seen my eyeballs pop out of my head so she walks away realizing I’m not about to be able to afford anything here! I try and nonchalantly put them back and look at other things all the while I’m screaming to myself “Lets get out of here! This is such a waste of time!” I go find our friends who are with Badi who is seriously trying on a pair of Nike’s that Kanye West designed and he’s thinking of really buying them! What is it with men? I feel guilty for buying anything that costs more than 35.99 so I have a closet full of TJMaxx and Payless and here’s my husband thinking he needs these hot pink and yellow Nikes. Granted they were 50% off, so they were 300$ instead of 6 but I told Badi they really aren’t that cute! Maybe wait?! He totally agreed, smart man, so we quickly left the sad Barbie-worker-lady who thought she had Badi in her clutches and ran off to the next den of iniquity. I swear! That is all LA is! I couldn’t wait to get out of there, I guess I should say Hollywood, I’m sure there are nice parts to LA…right? Oh speaking of den of iniquity…Santa Monica Pier and that whole area where everyone smokes pot and muscle beach and the scary drum circle… Ok let me explain

We were taken to Santa Monica Pier and we started at the very beginning of the strip. Its like a grosser version of Myrtle Beach, if that’s possible. Everyone is gangsterish and blowing pot smoke in your face and there is an outdoor prison workout center aka Muscle Beach (seriously looked like a prison yard with inmates working out). We decided to rent bikes and ride down to the pier. That was soooooooooooooo fun! Really it was fabulous! I had such a blast doing that but as we returned it was dark and there had congregated a drum circle like you wouldn’t believe. It was about 200 people thick with sad babies sitting on the outside while mommies and daddies danced around half naked smoking pot to the LOUDEST drums you have ever heard. I was scared riding past that someone would snatch me up and throw me in the middle of the circle and I’d never get out! I rode by very fast. We returned our bikes eventually and went on our merry way home. I couldn’t wait to get out of there! It was fun though, an adventure.

So we left the next morning for Santa Cruz. We drove up HWY 1, I think, or 101, it was small and right by the ocean and beautiful. We went to Malibu and Santa Barbara and ate. That was fun. So then we made the 6 hour trek up. We arrived at night to the tiny surfing town. It was very quaint. Our friends are grad students at UCSanta Cruz. He getting his Phd, she her masters, they have a 3 year old little boy. So they are very active, he surfs everyday in freezing cold water with seals and sharks (I’ll get there). Their son is just like him. Very adventurish. He loves to jump off 40 foot cliffs with his dad holding him! Crazy! So Badi went surfing with him. Badi hadn’t been surfing in quite a while and it was January in Northern Cali. so conditions were a little different from what he’s used to. Our friend took Badi to a spot that he’d (our friend) hadn’t even been to before so Badi was even more nervous and it was early in the morning, shark time. They arrive and put on their wet suits and our friend says to Badi, “Ok man we’ll jump off this cliff into the water and swim like a mile out, look out for the seals and kelp beds and sharks.” Badi sits there and thinks maybe he didn’t hear him correctly. Did he really say they have to jump and then paddle like a mile out and watch out for the what!?? Well as good natured and sweet as Badi is he went along with it. He said he swam out there and was way too exhausted to even surf back. Oh poor dude. So we left their home the next day and went up to San Fran drove around, rode the trolley, got lost in Nob Hill and was almost accosted by Transvestites. Then we made it to China Town and had pot smoke blown in our faces again. That was interesting… One funny note, there are a lot of “Characters” in Calif. If you know what I mean. When we were in San Fran we walked by this kid, with rainbow hair and smelly dirty clothes with a sign around his neck that read something like, “the space monsters are coming, are you prepared?” Badi and I laughed and he said, “See, that’s shy I like NY. No one gets away with stuff like that. That kid would be beat up in a minute.” I concurred.

Well we had fun on our little trek up and down the coast but I couldn’t have been more happy to get back to San Diego with our BFFs. I like to think they missed us too We stayed there a couple more days and then headed home! OH to be home! I vowed never to take another trip to Cali. I think we’d been there enough and seen enough!